you love me don't you

The paparazzi again!!?!!

Friday, November 16, 2007

And she's off

Well last friday was my birthday and what would any holiday,birthday or special event be without drama? My uncle recently moved back in and Erica was not having that one bit. So the tension in the house was absolutely crazy and she and him finally had a big blow out with screaming,crying, and all. (I was setting up for my big fiesta) Erica storms off to her room and maybe 8 whole seconds later she comes out with a big bag full of her clothes and tell my nana that she is leaving to a "shelter". Now for those who dont know my nana she is first of all old. she is very sick and very emotional. By Erica telling my nana this upsets my nana and she is crying. Ok so call me selfish but WAY TO GO ERICA way to make my day all bout you again just like.....oh wait every other day. No i'm not in the least BITTER.....

My mom comes by saturday morning and tells me that she is on her way to pick up erica and that she is going to be staying with her for a while. SO NOW MY OPINION, when i was young and i got mad at my parents, i couldnt just pick up my things and leave to live somewhere else, that just wasnt an option. when my mom got married and moved out, she took Teresa with her and left Erica with me. When Teresa didnt get her way, she would come and stay with us because she knew that she got what she wanted there, when she got mad at us she would just go back to my moms house. Well Teresa great example you set because now your little sister is doing the exact same thing. This is not the way to raise children, granted I dont have any except for milo, i know that this is showing my sisters that basically they can do whatever they want just like the girl in WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY and i really had no patients for that girl either.

I find that with all that has been going on, i know that the girls are not my children as much as i hope that i have been showing them that i am working and my life and trying to be a better person, praying has helped me so much. I know that worry is not what God wants me to do, I want to give it all to him, but Control is one of my biggest SINS. I will give Him enough just as long as i have some control and my nana is always telling me just give it to the LORD. So please pray for me........

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Well, Danielle is finally married and I can say that my life is starting to fall back into what I guess you could call a normal routine again. Yes I know that it wasn't me getting married but, I had every bit to do with this wedding that a bridesmaid shouldn't have. I never thought that i would miss my "normal" life but its mine and i really missed it while it was tucked away for the last 2 months. There is nothing really new going on here. My FAVORITE holiday is only 20 days away and counting, yes ladies and gentlemen its almost my birthday. I will be 24 years young and i cant wait. this is the only day of the year that i look forward to, that i even make it a birthday week, NICOLEAPOLUZA!!! Its the only time that i really try to make things about me and am ok with it. I am the big sister and have really hard time letting others help me with things and taking time out for me. so this is the one time out of the year that i let others take care of me. I am really excited. For those who know what i have been through, know that this year has not been the greatest year and i am very ready to start a new year with lots of goals(random transition?) so anyways, i dont really have much going on in my life other than making sure to enjoy my life even when its not so great because its the only life i have and i miss is when its not around

Danielles wedding ran very smoothly. I am still very bitter that she and brian danced their first dance as husband and wife to the ONE song that i asked her not to use because i thought that it was a beautiful song that i had as a ringer for "you know who" for almost 4 years, she had a cd of songs and "spend my life" was not on there. I am very hurt by her action and think that she was in the wrong. not only did she use this song but she rubbed it in my face by dancing next to me and telling me, "its MY wedding day get over it" now if you want to tell me that i am in the wrong than dont waste your breath, cause i dont want to hear it, keep it to yourself. I am a music lover and i dont even think that the word lover can even began to explain how i feel about music and for her to do that knowingly well.....

i will post pictures as soon as i get them downloaded

Sunday, August 26, 2007


yes i know its been a whilt since i have posted but things have been so crazy lately, my friend Danielle has set a wedding date and almost everything is done. She has been working very hard on getting everything done and i have been doing my best to be there for whatever she needs me for. I have been having some personal struggles that I will share with the listeners out there....

My first struggle that I have been dealing with would be the personal struggle that I face every morning when the alarm goes off at 5am and i should get up but i snooze the alarm and just wait for it to go off again at 630 when its time to really get up and go to work. i set the alarm so that i can go to the gym, I dont. i have a set of clothes in my locker at work so that i can work out after work, do you think that i go.....definintley NOT. This is something that i have been struggling with since...well forever (see post MY NEMISIS).

My next struggle would be my sunday job. I work in the Nursery at catalina foothills and I pray everyday that God will show me if this is where he wants me to be. I love this job but not the way i use to, there is something different about being there and i'm not sure what it is but i just lack the drive that was once there and most of all i miss being in worship, how will i know when God says, "ok nicole my plan for you is....." if hes talking now, he might want to speak up cause i still cant hear him. i have asked for a month off in October to go to my church and to see if i can hear God more clearly then.

You know the saying we have all said it at least once, there is not enough time in a day, well there is plenty of time in my day i just cant get with the program prioritize my life yet alone one day in it. i have even tried to keep a planner so that i can have everything planned out, well that only works if you use it and write things down in it. DUH!!

I have just been running around like crazy trying to plan a bachleoreet party make the invitations, help danielle move her and brians stuff to the new apartment that is on the other side of the world that only brian will be living in until october, trying to clean my house that my parents will NOT let me throw anything away but they want a clean house, i will never get old people. I'm trying to find time to have my quite time and do my bible study that its getting done while, yes ladies and gentlemen, i sit on the throne(toilet)... while all this is going on do you think that i have had time at all to get my eyebrows waxed?? not a chance......

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Drama on the Home front

So friday morning my erica came banging on my door trying to wake me up, it was only 5:45 and I still have 30 minutes to sleep so I open the door and she tells me that I need to move my car so the ambulance can get in easy......yeah ok so my thoughts exactly whats going on??? she said that my nana was screaming and kicking her legs like a wild woman and that she could wake her up. for those of you who don't know my nana she has rhumatoid arthritis and she cant bend her legs or move her neck so her her to be kicking her legs in the air was not normal and she was not responding to any of us. that was so scary so the medic team got here and they took her blood sugar(b.s.) yeah i know funny abbreviations, and it was 56 which is not good, she couldnt respond to us but she said later that she thought that she was. those are definite signs of a diabetic coma. we got to the ER and they checked her bs levels and they were 38. again not good. so we hung out at the hospital until her sugar levels came back up the doctor made her get up and walk and by 12:30 we were back home safe and sound. the dr just wanted us to keep an eye on her while she sleeps and she can't be alone for the next couple of days. she shouldnt be home anyways just in case she falls which has happened before so i guess really nothing new. she is feeling fine and back to her reading and tv watching.....

A Success Story

So this is very exciting for me to start a new blog off and say that this weekend i accomplished something that I'm not sure i wanted to but i did. I went tubing this weekend just like I have for the past 4 years the only thing different this time is that I am the one that has to do everything that "the man" is suppose to. you know like load the ice chest, carry the heavy things and tie all the knots that I thought that I couldnt. going at this trip alone without the help of the "boyfriend" and actually being able to do it and complete it without any mishaps was a great accomplishment for me. I planned the trip and executed it very nicely. It was a great success. This means that i dont need the help of a man although it makes my life a little easier it doesnt mean that it is a must. the only reason i say that i'm not sure that i wanted it is because its scary to know something you have been trying so hard to believe. I wanted to believe that I needed the "G" word but i just let him enable me to find my full potential and i know now that it may have started to be a hinderance.... we anyways.... so we went up tubing at the salt river there was 5 of us all together and we had such a good time. Its nice to just sit it the water and know that you have all the time in the world that you are in no hurry. Vacation is nice. Vacation is a must...things at work were really starting to get to me and i go back to work for 3 days and then off to another trip. Vegas is this coming up weekend, i dont gamble and i dont drink so i'm not sure how its going to be but i just look forward to sleeping in and laying out by the pool there might be some shows for cheep but thats all for now. like always more to come